Holla!
It's been awhile! I have been doing a lot of searching and thinking lately. Actually, I think all this thinking is what took me on my little weekend journey. Sometimes you just have to get out of town, you know? Clearing the mind is important.
So off I went. I took a drive with no destination in mind. I just knew I was going to drive. Far away. Well, maybe just 2 hours southwest and then in a circle... But the point is, it was somewhere new. Somewhere that didn't make me think about all the stuff that was clouding my mind.
It wasn't long before I was engrossed in the scenery around me. Although it was all so beautiful, I couldn't deny the startling reality that no matter where I go - there I am. Part of what brought me on this escape is that I need to make some changes and some choices. Simple right? Wrong. This girl can't make a decision to save her life and if she does, she doubts if it was the "right" one. Same story with this drive... Unsure of what direction to go, I just drove.
Eventually, I found a peaceful place. It was a water lookout filled with happy fisher-people and a welcoming walking lane for a lonely girl. It was beautiful. I spent some time strolling, talking to a few men who were enjoying the weather. I even wrote a little. I parked my tush on a bench in the sun and it was peaceful. "Ahh... maybe this is just what I was looking for!" I thought. Until a spider crawled on my arm. I was outta there!
I had in my mind that I wanted to find somewhere small and quaint so I could think. I kept driving and found myself deciding that the small water town I had left, was my best option. So I went back. I saw a little motel and I rented the last room. I got the keys and to my horror, I walked into a dark room that wasn't big enough for the furniture and even worse - had wood-paneled walls. Eeeewww. "What's going to be in this bed with me? Am I going to get scabies? What are the stains on these sheets?" is all I could think. This certainly wasn't going to be peaceful.
I hadn't eaten yet... Why not get out of the Bates Motel and grab a bite? I found my way to the "main" street and walked past my options. There was a supper club, but I was not dressed for that so I went to the pub next door. There were tables and a bar. I sat down at the open side of the bar and ordered a drink and food. Before I knew it, I had a joiner. It was the man that had almost walked into me as I was walking in. He had a group of friends who accompanied him. He started talking to me and asked if I was all alone. He noticed that I had been sitting so quietly and felt obliged to talk to me and invite me to his table. How sweet?
I didn't want to interrupt their dinner. If you remember, I came on this trip to be alone. (Things don't always go the way you plan.) I politely chatted with him but passed up his invite. All was well. Except, after awhile he came back and started asking about me. I engaged in friendly conversation and then he asked what I like to do out in nature. I started to answer, "Oh, I like to walk... and rollerblade," but was soon interrupted with, "Do you ever like to watch the cranes mate?"
...What?
Hmm... That was different.
After hearing more, I don't think this guy meant to come off as a super creeper oddball. He just didn't preface his exceptional love for nature (in all it's details), real well.
I went back to my "home not-so-sweet-home," for the night. I couldn't sleep. Partly because I thought if I turned off the light, the girl-eating spider was going to come out, but mostly because the bouncy bed gave zero support. But speaking of "support," this made me think...
Support... I had gotten away like I wanted, but I missed that. Support. I had so much back at home.
I wanted to get out because I was in a mental rut. All I could see were the negatives. I saw the problems. I was thinking about the wrong things. I wasn't choosing to be grateful for all I have.
I didn't think this trip had done anything good. I wasted money on a shithole motel, I burned a bunch of gasoline, and I didn't feel I gained much clarity (besides the often neglected and unnoticed beauty of mating birds). But looking back, I think this "Kassy Date" reminded me to let go of things that are gone, and remember the ones who have stayed. And that's something.
